Because I have Bipolar One, I take medication every single night: mood stabilizers, antidepressants, antispychotics.I would not be able to survive this disease otherwise. Every time I have tried to go off my meds, I have ended up in the hospital.

For me, the pills are not a choice. They are a way of life.



10 thoughts on “Pills

  1. Pingback: Night Swimming | your bipolar girl

  2. i just started on an antipsychotic after a manic flare last week, have been on the antidepressants and mood stablizers for awhile

    i’m better with my kids now, after a year, which makes me feel good and tow the line


  3. I am very glad to see your blog, I feel very much alone with a life regulated by pills. Pills in the morning and pills at night, always going to the pharmacy, driving across the city to pick up paper perscriptions for regulated meds. I am in graduate school and often need to choose seroquel over working or not sleep at all not because I missed a dose (parties are hard too). My boyfriend calls me Cinderella because if it gets too late I turn into a pumpkin. Medication doses and times are always on my mind and I carry a zillion pills in my purse in case I dont have access to some for some reason. I wish I had the luxury of being unmedicated but my depression gets very severe and my hypomania (which is always fun at first) quickly becomes anxiety and flying thoughts. It is nice to hear stories of others living this way, thank you for your general global support.



  4. I have bipolar. I have read a few of your articles today -(found you via
    http://www.practiceofmadness.com blogroll – who has just posted an article of mine on how to travel with bipolar.)

    Glad I found you. I totally get your voice. Your experiences and thoughts. I like that.

    I too cannot not take meds, though I do control MYSELF how much I take. I’ve been overmedicated before, and was always tempted to come off it. But like you the fear of hospital was always there.

    I now only take between 200 – 300ml seroqual a night. It’s side effects mean I have to take something for acid and headaches too. But thats it. Two months ago I’d got down to 225ml – but I recently moved to Dubai and fail at IVF twice so I entered a manic phase – to nip it in the bud a little (hallucinations of arabian ghosts were unpleasant to say the least) – I upped my meds and bit to 275ml. Now I’m back to 250ml. I used to be on depakote and it was pretty good but i gain weight, my hair fell out then grew back curly? (which I miss) and it wasn’t considerdd safe for a woman who was trying to get pregnant. So they tried a bunch of stuff which sent me doolally – including a few of yours. Everyone is so diferent with this disorder though. My sister still hasn’t found a useful med. My niece no longer takes meds and is fine most of the time. My brother never found one that worked and is heartbreakingly dead because of it.

    Anyway, I’m going on. Come see me at wordsinsync.blogspot. If your ever want to share something, youre welcome to guest post. Good to find you. All the best. Shah .X


  5. hi yourbipolargirl, uhm
    im Rob, im 18 just found out 3 months ago i have bipolar 1 and am mildly Obsessive compulsive. (OCD, although i kno u kno wat i meant i just felt like writing it out. )

    for years ive noticed that ive been changing emotionally and in other ways, and i should have known i would get bipolar because my older siblings both have forms of it, my brother bipolar 2 and my sister with mild bipolar mood swings, but i lucked out huh bipolar 1! (sarcasm)

    i could go on and on, and trust me i have with certain currently and always annoyed as long as it’s me emailing them, friends.
    I am just wondering Ms. YourBipolarGirl, if that IS your real name :P

    srry dnt kno why im pussy footing so to speak around this question, i think its partly cause i forgot wat it was lol my bad.

    but i believe it was, …

    i have chosen not to take pills UNLESS it gets too out of hand, now we as in me and you both have bipolar 1, my parents, friends, in just 3 months, things have changed alot…my mom is having a hard time dealing with me, my friends, ive lost some of them cause of this, they just dnt get it, and girls..well i can’t get a girlfriend because i feel like since they are getting involved in my life, with me whether its friendship or more, they are going to have to understand why im odd at times, weird, a total ass, so i tell them male or female when it comes to friends in my life, or just girls when it comes to relationships, i have started to tell them, and by them i mean my close friends, so 4 guys 2 girls, one ex who i cared for deeply but …anyways..and this new girl ive known and liked soo much for over a month now and she wants to date me…but i have to tell her no, because i cant let my illness affect her even tho she makes me feel soo calm and good and makes me feel normal
    and i want that soo much, and my emotions are just soo sparatic and i feel like , everything, everyone hates me, like im letting the world down, like im to blame, when i know intellectually i know im not the cause part of my mind doesn’t get it.

    im crying as i write this, i cry for no reason at times, or for emotional pain, or just for the usual small things, like not being able to find a pen to write with, or the fact that i havent slept in 3 days from time to time , ..
    i also have other medical issues, bipolar is the worst of them tho, but still
    i just feel like i dnt deserve this

    im nice, i was a good person, i cared for others, i would return money people dropped and items they lost , i would return extra change i was given by people at like mcdonalds or the store..i was a nice guy

    i took crap from everyone and was nice, cause i cared.

    and now , i have bipolar, i kno its my genetics and environment or whatever and i don’t give in to the whole God crap.
    But i do know i don’t deserve this, after all i have been through
    sometimes i feel like, “oh , ..well great people who have had bipolar go through shit in their lives and become amazing, through history and even in our present day times,..so maybe ill be great after all this too”
    but i doubt that, …i love the creativity i have, its amazing, i read a whole book in a day, im smarter thn ive ever been, i do soo much, i can think of hundreds of ideas in mintues, i made up over 5000 comic book characters names back stories and thought up what they look like, in my head in one day in just several hours
    just cause i wanted too

    i would make a name, look at the name and see clear as a bell a person a comic book superhero in costume i would see their story in my head like i wasnt the one making it, like it was there and i am just now writing it, yeah it sounds like crap but its true for my life.

    i love that part of this, but everything else, about bipolar sickens me, literally.

    i am just wanting to know, …is there any chance, at all! that i wont have to take the pills ever?
    im sure i kno wat u will say, its obvious, but i just .i still want to know, you know?

    sorry if i have taken up any of your time, i just, i need someone to ..say this to, no one else wants to hear it or is tired of it or hurting from it..i just,..i feel so overwhelmed, im not gunna kill myself so dnt worry its just all emotional.

    i haven’t gotten the psychosis stages of my illness yet, but i have gotten alot in just the past months since its become full blown.

    thank you for anything you can tell me, and srry i wrote so much, its just a habit.

    take care.

    sincerely Rob S.


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