Not Sure Who I Want to Be

It amuses me that, oh, approximately two minutes ago (or more accurately two weeks ago) I published a blog post stating definitively that I would write one blog post a day for thirty days. And here I am, many days, yet only four blog posts later. I have to say that I’m not exactly surprised at my failure to meet this challenge. A few weeks ago I didn’t think I would fail, of course. But I was in a heightened state and not thinking clearly. My failure isn’t because I’m not disciplined. It’s because I’m realizing that I’m someone who has a very easy time keeping promises to other people and showing up for other people and doing well on societal exercises like job interviews. But I have a very hard time keeping promises to myself.

This is extraordinarily frustrating because those of us who simply deliver on these kinds of external promises are nothing more than responsible citizens, right? We’re not influencers or people who affect change. I don’t want to be someone who just gets things done on everyone else’s time. I do want to keep my priorities in check and make a difference. The only way to do this is to be relentless about what I want in life, right? As of yet, I’ve been unsure about who I really want to be. And now I need to decide.

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3 thoughts on “Not Sure Who I Want to Be

  1. I’m over 60 and still deciding because I’m still discovering who I am!
    For some reason, the promises I make to myself are the hardest to keep, but that may be because they are life changes, like eating better or changing the way I think or respond. So it’s turning the compass a different direction and working each day to follow the new lead. A little progress is worth celebrating, my intent to do better is too. Things take time, and oh yeah, Life gets in the way…
    I certainly am glad you made those 4 posts because you gave me the strength and incentive to begin a blog other than just ‘Chapters’ thinking no one would listen. But the point is expression. I am glad you are back, and thank you for ‘being’ there.

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  2. “I’m someone who has a very easy time keeping promises to other people… But I have a very hard time keeping promises to myself.” – These words are so true to me too, it seems I am always letting myself down, while propping other people up. It makes me feel like such a failure. >.<

    Like

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