It amuses me that, oh, approximately two minutes ago (or more accurately two weeks ago) I published a blog post stating definitively that I would write one blog post a day for thirty days. And here I am, many days, yet only four blog posts later. I have to say that I’m not exactly surprised at my failure to meet this challenge. A few weeks ago I didn’t think I would fail, of course. But I was in a heightened state and not thinking clearly. My failure isn’t because I’m not disciplined. It’s because I’m realizing that I’m someone who has a very easy time keeping promises to other people and showing up for other people and doing well on societal exercises like job interviews. But I have a very hard time keeping promises to myself.
This is extraordinarily frustrating because those of us who simply deliver on these kinds of external promises are nothing more than responsible citizens, right? We’re not influencers or people who affect change. I don’t want to be someone who just gets things done on everyone else’s time. I do want to keep my priorities in check and make a difference. The only way to do this is to be relentless about what I want in life, right? As of yet, I’ve been unsure about who I really want to be. And now I need to decide.