I wasn’t invited to any New Years Eve parties this year. It was just as well: I spent a lovely last-night-of-2013 with my sister and brother-in-law, watching movies and drinking champagne.
I had every reason to be grateful.
But the next day, scanning through a Facebook feed filled with photos of friends smiling at parties, I felt a pinprick of jealousy that plummeted me into a depressed-loneliness.
Ever since my break up, that’s how life has been: loneliness sitting right below the surface of my skin ready to spread like a virus and bring me to tears at any given moment.
Yes, I was too dependent on my boyfriend to fill me up, to bring me joy, to make me feel loved. Without him, I sunk. And when I’m not careful to keep my emotions in check, I’m still sinking.
In her essay “A Particular Kind of Self-Care: To a Year of Female Friendships,” Jenna Wortham writes beautifully about how she invested in her female friendships in 2013:
While I’ve always felt at home in the company of women, this year was the year that I deliberately sought it out, invested my time and energy into cultivating relationships with women instead of with random dudes who weren’t clever enough to respond in kind to my cute emoji pictograms or appreciate sly Beyonce puns in my Instagram captions.
Inspired by Wortham and this New Year, I resolve to deepen my friendships and do my best to actively get past the loneliness that has settled inside of me.
I’ve been reading a lot of articles on the topic, here are some of my favorites:
- When Being Alone Turns into Loneliness, There Are Ways to Fight Back: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
LONELY, A MEMOIR by Emily White (I would highly recommend this if you’re really struggling with loneliness and are interested in learning more about loneliness research and the life of someone with similar struggles.)