Who Else Is Feeling Lonely?

I wasn’t invited to any New Years Eve parties this year. It was just as well: I spent a lovely last-night-of-2013 with my sister and brother-in-law, watching movies and drinking champagne.

I had every reason to be grateful.

But the next day, scanning through a Facebook feed filled with photos of friends smiling at parties, I felt a pinprick of jealousy that plummeted me into a depressed-loneliness.

Ever since my break up, that’s how life has been: loneliness sitting right below the surface of my skin ready  to spread like a virus and bring me to tears at any given moment.

Yes, I was too dependent on my boyfriend to fill me up, to bring me joy, to make me feel loved. Without him, I sunk. And when I’m not careful to keep my emotions in check, I’m still sinking.

In her essay “A Particular Kind of Self-Care: To a Year of Female Friendships,” Jenna Wortham writes beautifully  about how she invested in her female friendships in 2013:

While I’ve always felt at home in the company of women, this year was the year that I deliberately sought it out, invested my time and energy into cultivating relationships with women instead of with random dudes who weren’t clever enough to respond in kind to my cute emoji pictograms or appreciate sly Beyonce puns in my Instagram captions.

Inspired by Wortham and this New Year, I resolve to deepen my friendships and do my best to actively get past the loneliness that has settled inside of me.

I’ve been reading a lot of articles on the topic, here are some of my favorites:

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5 thoughts on “Who Else Is Feeling Lonely?

  1. I feel you! me myself had a bad brake down in the morning from all the stress going on in my life with myself but mostly ex boy who I found out a couple moth ago been having a relationship with his kids mother the whole time, 2,5 years (in heart I already knew but love makes you blind I heard) :( I was the other woman. We had so many fights, brake downs (and break ups) etc during those years but everything was always “my fault” cause “I’m so sensitive” and “got so many issues” me being a “psycho” and so on… lies lies lies every day for almost 3 years well if I was’nt paranoid befor, had low self esteem well I’m a real scitzo noW! used and abused. Anyways New Years eve, had a great time with my best friend and her man but.. that kind of shows even more I’m alone in my loneliness. But I know I can never feel as lonely that I dd in that relationship so it can only get better. New year more love to myself and people I love. Gonna read those articles later but first some therapy! Have a nice day
    Jo from Sweden

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    • Thanks so much for writing … I actually just wrote in my journal recently the same thing –that i felt more lonely in my relationship than I do now, outside of it. Such a good realization. Have a wonderful day and sending good vibes your way.

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  2. Shew girl, I have so been there…the entire News Feed thing, omg, it gets so awful I think. I did the same thing for the longest time for me.
    It helps to find someone new to replace the old flame, you know, kind of put it out… but I wouldn’t rush into anything..maybe give yourself some time to heal?
    I never was a very social gal in school or work-I am slightly introverted…I wound up meeting my husband online on a free dating site…we talked on the phone for like 4 hours the first time and so on, met a couple days later, and it just went on from there. We became serious that October and were married the following March, and its been nearly 5 years since all that happened. Maybe our case is extreme, but I enjoyed getting his messages on the site etc.. lol
    However, your links are great ideas too! Just take it day by day and try to live in the moment. Much love to u!!!

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    • Thanks so much for your note … I agree that finding someone new would help. I’ve been trying the online thing; so nice to hear that you’ve had success. And yeah, the news feed thing is just something I have to get over by not looking at it. Thanks for the advice! xo

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