I don’t feel sad or happy this morning. I just feel empty. Took all my pills last night. Well, I almost always take all my pills, but, there’s the dance I do with taking and then not taking the Seroquel that had me so wired and excited yesterday, until it got to be night. I couldn’t fall asleep until I took a Lunesta, and had I skipped the Seroquel, I wouldn’t have slept through the night.
Mornings are the hardest time for me. I wish I were one of those people who could just wake up without hitting the snooze button four hundred times. One of those people who always gets to work on time, who cooks herself breakfast.
I’m at a point in my life where I’m 30-years-old, but I don’t know what I want out of life, really. So often my goal has to be so simple: get out of bed. It’s hard to keep track of the larger trajectory of my life when I’m riding on these mood swings. But I don’t want to take any more Depakote. I refuse to gain that weight again.
And so I’m stuck, feeling nothing. Not sure what I want. For now, I am going to get out of bed and go to work.