Living in Color

More of us bipolar folks need to speak out because when you hear about a bipolar person in the news, they’re doing something insane.

So many people think we’re just raving lunatics. In my writer’s group the other night, I was workshopping my novel, which is based on my own life. One of the guys in the group said: “It’s such a bummer that she has to be bipolar.” Well, yeah, I guess it is a bummer. So often I think I just want this all to go away. I want to stop thinking about the medication. I want to stop thinking that I’ve just said or done something crazy.

But then, there are other days, like today, when I think: this is part of who I am. And maybe I was put on this planet to speak out. To give other people who are just experiencing these frightening symptoms hope that they can live a “normal” existence. No matter how crazy you get, you can always turn back from that black hole of madness and find peace.  Medication has saved me, but I don’t take so many meds that I feel drugged. At this point I have realized that the dance of controlling my mood swings–the hypomania, the depressions, the pills, the therapy–that’s who I am.

I mean, if I could magically make it all disappear and still feel filled with life and energy, I’d do it. But if making the symptoms totally disappear means sucking some of the color out of my life, well, then, I’d rather have the ups and downs and live in a more colorful world.

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One thought on “Living in Color

  1. Hey, I just want to say hello and thank you for this great workpress space. Dealing with being a creative and loving person all the while haveing the ailments or pitfalls of hypomania like never having money,not being able to crack it up like everyone else, being sensitive to judgement, meanness, and all the particular sensitivities that go along with your individual brand of hypomania/bipolar.

    I’ll keep reading, it’s good to connect with a community.

    Like

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