this is lonely

I feel like I am about to explode.  Last night I kissed a semi-stranger in an art gallery and tonight, with no similar excitement, with no potential for sex or bad decisions really, all I wanted to do was go out and spend hundreds of dollars on clothes.  Stores anesthetize the mania: they’re places where, like a toddler, I can lose myself in shiny objects, in wanting something that’s attainable, that’s right in front of me.

The semi-stranger is also an ex drug addict, and I have noticed that I tend to meet people who are addicts or bipolar themselves when I’m manic. It’s like we just find each other.

I don’t know what to do but I’m going to take extra  Seroquel and try to calm down. I feel happy and sad all at once, as if I could burst into tears or laughter. It’s not good.

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4 thoughts on “this is lonely

  1. I know you haven’t updated in awhile, but I just stumbled across your blog. I was recently diagnosed as bipolar, as well. Coincidentally, I’m also a junior in college. I just wanted to thank you for posting what you have- I can really relate to what you’re going through, especially about people not understanding. <3

    Like

  2. How are things going? There were times in the past when I took an extra Seroquel because it felt necessary, but it’s generally not a good idea to be jumping a dose up or down on a regular basis.

    How much are you taking normally? I started at 100mgs but I’ve halved it because I was waking up hungover almost every morning. The 50mgs just gradually turns my brain down so I can sleep…

    Hope everything’s cool.

    Like

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