I didn’t take the extra Seroquel like I should have last night. When I’m feeling completely buzzed, I usually increase my dose and it knocks me out for 10 hours. I wake up with no high and a Seroquel-hangover, but, my brain has at least settled down.
Instead, I waited until after three in the morning to go to bed and popped some Lunesta so I could fall asleep for just a few hours. For me, five hours of sleep tacked on to how I’ve been feeling is like snorting more of the manic cocaine.
So I’m about to go out to meet a friend for coffee. (I need to be sure to drink decaf so I can go to sleep tonight.) For now, I’m going to shower and pile on lots of makeup.
The frustrating part of all of this is I know this is not really “happiness,” no matter how good I feel. It’s a chemical high that will be followed by a crash. The thing is, I don’t know when the crash is coming.