bipolar amnesia

from Steve McN via Flickr

from Steve McN via Flickr

So I was just thinking to myself, maybe I should start up the yourbipolargirl blog again; I’m feeling so manic these days, and what is there to do but talk to my therapist about it or tell good friends about it … friends who don’t understand bipolar disorder anyhow. ( I’m kind of manic right now!, I’ll say, only to watch their eyes glaze over with a mix of confusion and disinterest.) Jacked up on the caffeine that probably jolted my brain into thinking about blogging in the first place, I logged on to WordPress a little while ago to start up the blog I’d initially had on Blogger;  I searched for the url; I found that, damn, it was taken.  ARGH. I couldn’t believe someone had hijacked my blog idea.

Then, I logged onto the e-mail address I registered for yourbipolargirl months ago so that I could have this anoymous Blogger blog. Strangely, I find a “please moderate comment’ e-mail in regards to a lovely comment made by Angela G in response to a yourbipolargirl wordpress blog. Huh?  Like finding a note I’d written to myself while I was drunk all crumpled up in the back of a drawer, I logged on to this dusty old site I apparently created on December 14th.  I have no recollection of doing so.

I’m chalking this up to bipolar amnesia, a condition  no one else seems to be talking about it. But I swear, it is a phenomenon. How else to explain those fits of activity forgotten once we come down from being buoyed up on a manic cloud of ideas?

(I have heard Topamax, a drug I take to counteract the weight-gaining side effects of Depakote, dubbed “Stupemax.” The weight gain is something I won’t go through again, but maybe I should reconsider the Stupemax to help fend off the bipolar-induced-memory-loss.)


5 thoughts on “bipolar amnesia

  1. For me it’s a little different, well a LOT different. I record different selves with different people and then I can’t remember which person I am. It’s very very frightening. Every new person I meet gets a new self and then somehow when im alone I’m EVERYONE. I have finally begun to give up all hope of functioning again. I was raised in an environment where
    This kind of intense social shifting was normal to me so I have never been able to conclusively tell if it is ptsd or bipolar. Anti depressants made it about one million times worse and I have lost so much that I finally feel that perhaps my life is no longer worth living in such a compromised state. I basically become anything I interact with. It’s insanely bad and ultimately I just wish for anyone else who has had to go through this that they find peace. I can’t deal with the losses this disease has created in my life. I don’t understand the choices I made as they seem to have been based on nothing but a complete lack of comprehension of space and time. Terrifying and totally insane. I lived within a cloud and now it has become alternately a bubble and a tomb. good luck guys.


  2. I, too, think there is something with the memory loss and bipolar. For years and years my short term memory was so bad that everyone from friends to coworkers had to commit every single thing down to paper for me. With medication (Lamictal), it’s gotten A LOT better, but even now I still have to ask friends and bosses to please repeat anything important at least 3 times to me or else I won’t remember it.

    You’re definitely onto something here.


  3. I’m pretty sure there’s such a thing as “bipolar amnesia”. I’ve recently been diagnosed with bipolar (after 40 years of mostly ineffective treatment for other things). As I’ve looked back, I’m finding that people have often accused me of doing things that I know very well I did NOT do… except, so many people would say the same things. Now I think I understand. I wouldn’t always remember what I was doing when I had those hypomanic episodes.

    So I Googled for “bipolar amnesia”, and found about a million hits. I’m sure there’s something to it.


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