These past days I haven’t felt up. I haven’t felt down. I’ve felt, well, “eh.” Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the fact that my new office doesn’t have windows. Maybe it’s that I’m dreading packing up my apartment and moving, even though I can’t wait to live with my boyfriend. This will be the first time ever living–officially living–with a boyfriend for me.
That said, I spend a lot of time by myself. It’s sacred time, and I worry a bit about losing it. When I was a kid, my mother used to describe me as “independent,” because I liked to be in my room, by myself: reading, playing, organizing my drawers. In the reassuring quiet of no television, no computer, no music, no phone, I feel calm. And I need these moments free from all of the stimulation to really wind down my brain. My boyfriend understands this, and he and I have similar values (i.e. no television in the bedroom… seems like a small thing, but I can’t do TV in bed, unless it’s a special hotel treat!) regarding technology in our relationship. I know people who are constantly tweeting, blogging, facebooking. Of course, there are days–mostly more hypomanic ones–when I get wrapped up in all of that, and then, like a ticking twitter feed, just as my mind can’t focus on any given thought, more and more tabs pop up on my browser.
Thoreau said, “Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify, simplify.” That’s easier said than done in this age of the internet, but it’s a noble pursuit. The moments we will most remember will be human moments, not cyber moments.
What this all has to do with bipolar disorder? Who knows. But it’s on my bipolar mind today.
Wishing you blessings on your new path ;)
I call all this technology craziness tracking devices. No respect for personal time…ME TIME!! :) glad you discovered the effects those monsters have on our special brains :)